You can not be serious?
                       =======================

                          By Micheal Brown


These  are genuine extracts from motor accident claim forms received by a
large insurance office in London.


1..  The accident was due to the other man narrowly missing me.

2..  Lorry halted and worked for the Corporation.

3..   I  collided  with  a  stationary  tramcar  coming  in  the opposite
      direction.

4..  The occupants were stalking dear on the hillside.

5..   I  left  my  Austin  7  outside,  but when I came out later , to my
      amazement, there was an Austin 12.

6..  To avoid collision I ran into the other car.

7..  There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.

8..  The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.

9..   Car  had  to  turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible
      lorry.

10.  I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident happened.

11.  After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my
     favour.

12.  I collided with a stationary tree.

13.  There was no damage done to the car as the gatepost will testify.

14.  Accident was due to the road bending.

15.  The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman, but it would be more
     correct to call him a garage proprietor.

16.  The other man altered his mind and I had to run into him.

17.  Ice on the road applied brakes causing skid.

18.  I told the idiot what he was and went on.

19.   One  wheel  went  into the ditch.  My foot jumped from the brake to
accelerator  pedal,  leapt  across  the road to the other side and jumped
into the trunk of a tree.

20.  I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to and
     saw PC Brown.

21.   A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he
      gored my car.

22.   A  cow wandered into my car, I was afterwards informed that the cow
      was half-witted.

23.  She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met.

24.  I was taking a friend home and keeping two yards from each lamp post
which  were  in  a  straight line.  Unfortunately there was a bend in the
road  bringing  the  right  hand  lamp post in line with the other and of
course I landed in the ditch.

25.  If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it would
     not have happened.

26.  I bumped into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

27.  I bumped into a lamp post which was obscured by human beings.

28.  I heard a horn blow and was struck violently in the back.  Evidently
     a lady was trying to pass me.

29.  I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

30.   Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
      haven't got.

31.   Three  women  were  all talking to each other, and when she stepped
      back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.

32.   I can't give details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at
      the time.

33.  Wilful damage to the upholstery was done by rats.

34.  A pedestrian hit and went underneath my car.

35.  I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.

36.  A lamp post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.

37.   My  car  was  stolen  and I set up a human cry, but it has not been
      recovered.

38.   The  car  in  front  stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into its
      luggage grid.

39.   I  left  my car unattended for a minute, and whether by accident or
      design it ran away.

40.   The  other  car  collided  with  me,  without giving warning of his
      intention.

41.   I  unfortunately  ran over the pedestrian and the old gentleman was
      taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

42.  On entering Wales I blew my horn at the left hand corner.

43.  I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when
     I put my head through it.

44.   I  considered  neither  vehicle  was to blame, but if either was to
      blame it was the other one.

45.  I was proceeding along the road at a moderate speed when another car
     rushed  out  of a side turning and turned upside down in a ditch.
     It was his fault as he said.

46.  I knocked over the man, he admitted it was his fault, as he had been
     knocked down before.

47.  I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn't find
     it.

END
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